I've been obese my whole adult life. That is until now.
As a teenager, I had body confidence issues after being bullied at dance classes. I blame the clothes industry that didn’t cater for young girls who had muscle. I didn’t realise it then, but I wasn’t fat; I was strong and athletic. My own self doubt of my fitness became a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I was fat anyway, then why should I put the effort in?
By the time I was an adult, I had gained weight very quickly. I didn’t think I was physically capable of losing weight. I tried all the diet clubs and programmes I could find with some, but very little, long-term success. Anytime I thought about dieting, it made me feel worthless.
Eventually I would find the motivation to change my life once again, only to quit as fast as I started. The diets were all too daunting and never seemed to provide the results they promised. This only enforced my feelings of low self-worth and created a defeatist attitude towards weight loss. Nothing worked, so why should I bother?
“Everyone seems to eventually find their excuse for their weight. Maybe they’re just too stressed, maybe their budget means they must eat junk food. It’s easy to find something applicable. My excuse was a diagnosis of PCOS. ”
Back when I was diagnosed with PCOS, very little was known about it. It was associated with lower metabolism and it became my excuse for being overweight. As far as I was concerned, the doctor had confirmed the reason I was obese and why I couldn’t lose weight. After this, I had convinced myself I didn’t have to try anymore.
By 2011 I was almost 400lbs and distressed physically and emotionally.
I was “working on my health” by reading anything and everything, but I wasn’t truly putting it into practice.
My epiphany moment came from an inspirational personal trainer on TV. Something he said to one of his clients struck a chord with me. I was feeling sorry for myself because of my lot in life but making it so much worse because of the way I was behaving. Then coincidentally within 48 hours a leaflet came through my door advertising a 12-week fitness and weight loss programme. I took a leap and signed up.
It was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. But I had invested a lot of money and that kept me going, when I started to get results, I continued to go to boot camps beyond the 12 weeks and I lost 6 stone in 18 months.
I felt great! I signed up for events like 5k runs (only I walked them) and kept pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
Then the problems started.
No one had warned me about too much exercise and the impact it may have on my joints and central nervous system over time.
I had been doing too much and ignoring the pain (no pain no gain, right?). Eventually I sought medical advice and was told I had shredded my patella tendon. I was also starting to suffer the effects of inflammation and the doctor noticed my asthma was worsening. My exercise regime came to a full stop. After a few weeks I was able to walk gently but lifting weights and boot camp were out. As a result, I was sitting around a lot more and my weight loss stopped.
The inevitable happened and I started gaining weight, again. I was in complete denial. When my dad died, my world fell apart. Food became my comfort again. My asthma and allergies got worse until I was diagnosed with chronic inflammation. All the pain I had gone through was for nothing. It was never truly a long-term plan, and now it had caught up to me.
Here's what I've learned
No amount of exercise can reverse a poor diet. I started studying nutrition. I learned I had to be kind to myself. I am a person who makes mistakes, and who cannot live on such strict diets. I cannot exercise my whole waking life. What I can do is make permanent but gentle changes, that I can live with.
I wish I had someone to tell me 20 years ago what I can share with you now. I wish I had someone who shared what it takes to manage your weight and why you find it so hard to maintain the balance.
I was already a qualified Life coach and now a qualified nutritionist. Life has taught me how easy it is to gain weight, how hard it is to exercise carrying extra weight, and I’m still fighting the battle. I’m not going to micromanage your life. It’s not realistic to maintain strict diets and strict exercise schedules. I can provide you with the tools to find balance in your life. Losing weight doesn’t have to be punishing. With some big changes to attitude, you may find the life changes follow naturally.